Life is Funny

Life is funny. You wish and wish for something. Then one day, your wish is granted. You think "Okay, maybe this is the time. Everything beautiful in its time, everybody says." You are bursting with happiness when you realized you get what you want but not the way you want it.

Life is funny. You get mad and thinking why is this happening to you. You get all hyper and then calming your mind. You think "Okay, this is just a test. I can get through all of this. I want this thing so bad. Sometimes you need to sacrifice something to get what you want, everybody says." You anticipated all of the pain you could get. You feel it. The pain you anticipated. You fall, bleed and badly hurt. But it's okay, you get up and keep your chin up. You finally feel like you get through this. You are strong. You win. But wait... it turns out to be just 'warming up.'

Life is funny. You keep going. You take every stab-wound and every pull you get. And even as it hits you, you still find yourself struggling. Trying to control it. But before you know it you're completely losing grip. Weak and destroyed. You think " Okay, maybe this is the way God say this thing is not good for me. I've fought for this but it seems this thing is just not for me. I'll give it up. We'll get what we deserved, everybody says."

Life is funny. You walk away. You moved on. Then suddenly the thing you want is back to you. It's like you get offered for the second time. You think "Hell no. I don't want to do it anymore. This thing is just not for me. There's no second chance, everybody says."

Life is funny. You keep saying no. But reality is way too tempting. You see it once again. You took the second chance. This time is really easy, without any obstacles. Short story, you finally get what you want. You think "Okay, is this it? Really? This easy? Well, maybe this thing is really meant for me. Maybe at those time I'm not ready. Maybe this time I'm ready for this. If you keep trying you'll be ready at some point, everybody says."

Life is funny. You get it. The thing you want the most. You are happy now. Smiling. When suddenly the thought popped into your head "Okay, now what?"

Life is funny indeed.

Or is it just me? 

*BOOM*

 

"I guess you get to a point where you look at that pain as if it were there in front of you three feet away lying in a box, an open box in a window somewhere. It’s hard and cold like a bar of metal. You just look at it there and say, all right. I’ll take it. I’ll buy it. That’s what it is. Because you know all about it, before you even go into this thing. You know the pain is part of the whole thing. And it isn’t that we can say afterwards the pleasure was greater than the pain, and that’s why you’d do it again. That has nothing to do it. You can’t measure it, because the pain comes after and it lasts longer. So the question really is, why doesn’t the pain make you say, I won’t do it again, when the pain is so bad that you have to say that, but you don’t?"

 

— Break It Down by Lydia Davis

"I am ashes—

—where once I was fire."

Because you have to fall, in order to grow.

Holy damn, I morphed into a 19-year-old on December 31. I guess, I'm gonna stay 18 forever. You know, young at heart, always. Like, what's the fun in being a grown-up? Hahah. However, 18 is really the mean age (in my life) by which I have made my major decision about who I am and what I like. This is constantly changing and readjusting itself forever of course, but it is pretty much in place at the age of 18. The year has been a thrilling year.  Many exciting moments and there are difficult times too, a lot. I'm having a good time, when suddenly *BOOM* I'm 19 now. 
Being a half-adult. 12 months to go until I'm 20. 12 months before I'm feeling like being abruptly pushed off a cliff into adulthood. I think I should really do something this one full year. But, what? 

Oh, whatever. 
*sing a long to "18 Till I Die"*  
*enjoying life*
 

Cheers to youth!

✌